A failure pile in a sadness bowl
Thursday, Mar. 11, 2010 @ 2:56 AM

I fucking love alcohol and I am a borderline alcoholic.
I know my best friend since age 13 didn�t invite me to her wedding because she was afraid I�d get drunk and ruin it. I don�t blame her but I wish she had spoken to me about it. I could�ve been a good girl; all she had to do was ask! So, I finally got my medical records and I had a 0.4 BAC when I had alcohol poisoning. 0.5 is lethal across the board, regardless of tolerance. How the fuck did I survive that? It feels wrong to assume that there is some higher purpose for my life, because every time I am close to death it just doesn�t happen. Me being a social worker is a fucking joke. I�ve been trying to get an internship at an inpatient rehab facility for a while now, but my conscience bothers me to the point that I cannot do it. Why did I do this? The further I get in my program the more I realize that audio production is what I should be doing. But I fucked that up. I don�t have the talent or the drive to succeed.