rant
Tuesday, May. 27, 2008 @ 11:01 PM

I had to recently move out of my dad's house because I was tired of being treated like crap by my step-mom. After months and months of being pushed to the edge by her, I finally snapped. He told me that she had the right to treat me like shit and I just had to "stop being a bitch" and "shut my stupid fucking mouth" about all of it if I wanted to continue living there. I told him that getting pussy was apparently more important to him than his own daughter's happiness. That was pretty much the end of our relationship.

I sometimes wonder why I've often been punished for doing the right thing.

It's like an affront to the world when I finally stand up for myself. It's like the universe is saying Nuh-uh bitch, get back in your place and continue to take it all. Continue to be raped, beaten, drugged, imprisoned, and generally be fucking emotionally tortured until your life ends in some stupid, random, and undignified way.

When I was 17 I finally decided that I was no longer going to take shit from anyone. Or so I thought. I was drugged to the point that I went into a drug-induced psychosis that I still have not(and probably won't) recover from. I was lied to and tricked by a police officer. I was held against my will in a couple of different hospitals.

After I had been "helped" and "treated" I went home and really fucking snapped. I started to have really bad flashbacks to when I was four and had a grown man force himself on me. I had to put out a lit cigarette on my arms in order to stop the thoughts. I had to drug myself with seroquel every night in order to calm down enough for sleep.

After the inccident with T I pretty much lost what little of my nerve I had left, sadly. I have completely dissolved into a human puddle that tries to please everybody.